This Magical First Year
I’ve been listening to my birthing playlist (you can check it out here if you’re interested) and feeling all sorts of sentimental. In just two weeks (TWO WEEKS!) my baby is going to be a year old. I don’t know how we got here. But we are. I haven’t even written his birth story… and I’m only on month 6 of his baby book. Do you ever have the sensation like you’re on a treadmill and the speed is just a little too fast for your feet to keep up? That’s kind of how I feel these days.
Milo started daycare last week. I miss him terribly, but that reunion is the sweetest five seconds, and the space between each second lingers like honey swirling in my tea. It reminds me how special this time is for us both – and how beautiful it is to come back together. It gives us space to stretch, and for me, to remember who I am in addition to being Milo’s mom (not that being a mom isn’t the best role in the world, because it is, but I am other things, too.)
Motherhood is such a wild, wild, wild ride. I knew that it would be. Everyone says so. But, I didn’t really understand how you could love someone so vastly – with so much of your heart, that even when it felt amazing and so good, it still hurt a little? Vulnerability is so strange.
As the months shift and seasons change, so does Milo… and I do too. We sink into our roles of mother and son, feeling more comfortable and at ease with each passing day. If I could tell myself one bit of advice for that late night last June it would be this, “take each passing moment as it comes, and then let it go. The good and the bad. The miracles and the scary parts in-between. It will strengthen you, and humble you, and at the end, you’ll be standing atop a mountain in the most beautiful sunshine-filled land — callouses, bruises, and more space within you than you ever thought possible.” I know, kind of a wishy-washy dreamy bit of advice. But this has been the most mushifying (is that a word?) year.
To my sweet, lovable, huggable Mr. Milo. You have given me the greatest gift. You have made me a mother.
All images by Elizabeth LaDuca Photography.